Memory Narcolepsy Redux

So it seems that some readers are confused regarding the status of Memory Narcolepsy and if it's a "real" disease or not. I'll answer that as well as putting some additional perspective, historical of course, in place.

First to the question on everyone's lips. No, there has not been any proof that eating chocolate causes Memory Narcolepsy. Of course, I cannot comment regarding eating a Hershey Bar, but "proper choccies" are fine.

So, what is Memory Narcolepsy? Well, we sort of covered it a few posts back but it's a user-friendly name for a group of neurological disorders. If you're looking for a technical explanation:

Memory Narcolepsy is a really horrid thing that causes your brain to turn to mush and it's not something you'd want to invite home to meet your mother.

Speaking of mothers, I have yet to actually own up to mine and I'm not quite sure how long my cover story of really bad migraines is going to last. Telling your mum is actually one of the harder parts of this adventure. Consider the options:

The Cop Out

No, really, mum, I'm fine. My migraines have just been a bit iffy of late.

The Indirect Approach

Mum, you remember that person we saw on the street corner? The one drooling and dribbling and looking in his back-pocket for his pet tin-opener? Well, you'd still love him if he was your son, right?

The Direct Approach

Mum, I know you've been having a tough time since Dad died, the house was repossessed, the country invaded by Martians and your favourite soap went off the air, but I really need to tell you that I have this incurable brain disease, I'll soon have to go into a nursing home, then I'll forget who everyone is, then I'll crap and piss myself all day long, then I'll die.

The Subtle Approach

Hello, Little Sister. Say, could you do me a favour and give mum a call?

Anyway, back to the plot. It all started, honestly, a few months back on my way to work. There I was toodling along thinking of all the things I was going to do to save the world that day when I realised I had missed my turning. "No matter", I thought, "I'll just take the next exit". Well, the strangest thing happened next. I forgot to take the next exit, even though it was right there. I did, however, take the exit after that then it got really weird...

Even though I knew where I was, I could not remember how to get to work. Was it left, or was it right? I really didn't remember. Thinking of the direction I had come, I went in the opposite direction and found my way back to the road in the direction to where my office should have been. Note that I say "should have been". As I was driving to my office, I realised that everything was unfamiliar and it was as if I had never been there before. I thought I "knew" where I was, but I just didn't remember the road I was on.

At that point I could not remember the address I needed to go to but I did know, vaguely, where it was. It's an easy drive so I found the road (basically, keep on going then take one turning off to the side) and then I remembered, only when I got there, that this was the side turning to take. At this point, weird took on a whole new meaning.

Having turned off on the side road, I looked for my office entrance. I did not remember how far down the road it was, nor what it looked like. I drove up and down the road several times. Not remembering how far it was, I went several miles thinking I must have misjudged the distance. I never did find my office. In hindsight, I must have driven past it several times. However, at that point I was simply unable to "see" it.

Now, let's look at the positive side to all of this. Not going to work because you've lost where you work, but you tried for an hour to find it, demonstrates a positive and healthy commitment to the work ethic. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Granted, it's all rather inconvenient if you've left something that you needed on your desk, but it's a whole lot more "can-do" than simply not going into work because you've got an upset tummy.

The other great thing about Memory Narcolepsy is that it gives you a whole new perspective on misplacing and losing things. We've already covered misplacing your car, in the next instalment we'll talk about how easy it is to lose everyday objects such as clothes and food. No, I'm not making it up, it really does happen.

So, to answer the original question. Yes, Memory Narcolepsy is real. If you want to know what the medical community calls it then read the links in the sidebar or look up the definitions.

If it seems like I'm not taking this thing seriously, well, let's be serious just for a moment. There's really two options here. One is to get all upset, moan, whine, whinge, and feel sorry for myself. Generally speaking, I'm told that feeling sorry for oneself is not usually recognised as an effective way to combat stress or illness. The other approach I could take is to deal with this event with humour and hope that if I take the piss out of it enough, then -- just like a bully -- Memory Narcolepsy will go go away and leave me alone.

Finally, if you're worried that, just like a bully, Memory Narcolepsy could decide to make my life hell, then don't fear for that because I have studied many of the martial arts and hold a black belt in the ancient discipline of Origami.