To Sleep, Perchance To Dream

Ah, so it seems that not all EEGs are created equal. From talking to Dr FrankenBrain^TM today, it seems that we have an apples and oranges comparison from the EEG when I was asleep to the one when I was awake; and this could explain why they are so different. Of course, seeing as this is medicine, we have disagreement from some of the neurologists as to which EEG is the most revealing.

Hah, all I know is that these boys and girls need to deliver a definite prognosis before Christmas as I'm running out of excuses to explain to my friends why it is that I have forgotten their pet Iguana's birthday.

We've also been spending some time more with a quantitative EEG (qEEG) analysis (more on brain brushing later) and they've pinpointed (well, assuming you can pin-point with a 6 inch brush) several areas of my noggin which are not performing up to snuff. Basically, one side, a bit down the front, a lump at the back, and a nice slice in the middle. One side (it's my secret as to which one) seems to be "normal", whatever normal is.

Now, it would be remiss of your scribe not to own up to the fact that the use of qEEQ is considered controversial or leading-edge depending upon your mindset. Of interest is that the qEEG results to-date have mapped one-to-one to the nuropsychological testing and to my previous observations. They've even "predicted" results I actually had but was too embarrassed to own up to.

So, with all that in mind, we've been trying some electrical brain stimulation. Basically, it's like jumps-starting your car only you don't have to stand outside in the pouring rain to do it. Now, to take part in this little adventure, it helps to either be clinically insane, have a lot of faith in your doctor, or be faced with the fact that there probably is no other cure so "what the hell, let's do it anyway".

The nice thing about the brain 'stim, is that all you do is sit down, let someone plonk electrodes on your skull, and you enjoy the show. The weird thing, and it's really weird, is that you feel nothing at all except overwhelming tiredness. It was explained to me that the tiredness is because the brain is a muscle and it's being exercised but I suspect a better analogy is that if you stick you head inside a high-voltage transformer that only the clinically insane would not expect to feel a little strange afterwards. There's an interesting article on slate about this procedure here.

So, what's next? Well, I owe you all a report back from the brain dentist (do I, or do I not need to brush my brain better?) and I get another day of nuropsychological testing.

Whoopee, more being asked to count backwards; I can't wait!

Most Weird

Much oddness abounds in the halls of Memory Narcolepsy today.

The PET scan did not show anything remarkable which is remarkable because it was expected that it would. That's goodness, of course.

Likewise, the EEG on Thursday was markedly different from the results from Tuesday. The main difference being that during the good one I had a kip. Let's be clear, I was told to sleep if I could, so I did. I'm now wondering if I should file for a disability and state the accommodation that I need involves being allowed to sleep on the job. Sounds good to me.

Well, this is all good but surprisingly good. The question, still remains, as to which of the many underlying causes of memory loss and cognitive impairment do I have? Until this morning the white coat crowd were fairly certain that they knew the cause and the PET scan was to be the confirming diagnosis. Ah, we sure surprised them, didn't we!

Tomorrow I go for some more Brain Stim (I should write about this too), perhaps Dr FrankenBrain can explain what is going on?

Tune in and find out!

Memory Narcolepsy Redux

So it seems that some readers are confused regarding the status of Memory Narcolepsy and if it's a "real" disease or not. I'll answer that as well as putting some additional perspective, historical of course, in place.

First to the question on everyone's lips. No, there has not been any proof that eating chocolate causes Memory Narcolepsy. Of course, I cannot comment regarding eating a Hershey Bar, but "proper choccies" are fine.

So, what is Memory Narcolepsy? Well, we sort of covered it a few posts back but it's a user-friendly name for a group of neurological disorders. If you're looking for a technical explanation:

Memory Narcolepsy is a really horrid thing that causes your brain to turn to mush and it's not something you'd want to invite home to meet your mother.

Speaking of mothers, I have yet to actually own up to mine and I'm not quite sure how long my cover story of really bad migraines is going to last. Telling your mum is actually one of the harder parts of this adventure. Consider the options:

The Cop Out

No, really, mum, I'm fine. My migraines have just been a bit iffy of late.

The Indirect Approach

Mum, you remember that person we saw on the street corner? The one drooling and dribbling and looking in his back-pocket for his pet tin-opener? Well, you'd still love him if he was your son, right?

The Direct Approach

Mum, I know you've been having a tough time since Dad died, the house was repossessed, the country invaded by Martians and your favourite soap went off the air, but I really need to tell you that I have this incurable brain disease, I'll soon have to go into a nursing home, then I'll forget who everyone is, then I'll crap and piss myself all day long, then I'll die.

The Subtle Approach

Hello, Little Sister. Say, could you do me a favour and give mum a call?

Anyway, back to the plot. It all started, honestly, a few months back on my way to work. There I was toodling along thinking of all the things I was going to do to save the world that day when I realised I had missed my turning. "No matter", I thought, "I'll just take the next exit". Well, the strangest thing happened next. I forgot to take the next exit, even though it was right there. I did, however, take the exit after that then it got really weird...

Even though I knew where I was, I could not remember how to get to work. Was it left, or was it right? I really didn't remember. Thinking of the direction I had come, I went in the opposite direction and found my way back to the road in the direction to where my office should have been. Note that I say "should have been". As I was driving to my office, I realised that everything was unfamiliar and it was as if I had never been there before. I thought I "knew" where I was, but I just didn't remember the road I was on.

At that point I could not remember the address I needed to go to but I did know, vaguely, where it was. It's an easy drive so I found the road (basically, keep on going then take one turning off to the side) and then I remembered, only when I got there, that this was the side turning to take. At this point, weird took on a whole new meaning.

Having turned off on the side road, I looked for my office entrance. I did not remember how far down the road it was, nor what it looked like. I drove up and down the road several times. Not remembering how far it was, I went several miles thinking I must have misjudged the distance. I never did find my office. In hindsight, I must have driven past it several times. However, at that point I was simply unable to "see" it.

Now, let's look at the positive side to all of this. Not going to work because you've lost where you work, but you tried for an hour to find it, demonstrates a positive and healthy commitment to the work ethic. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Granted, it's all rather inconvenient if you've left something that you needed on your desk, but it's a whole lot more "can-do" than simply not going into work because you've got an upset tummy.

The other great thing about Memory Narcolepsy is that it gives you a whole new perspective on misplacing and losing things. We've already covered misplacing your car, in the next instalment we'll talk about how easy it is to lose everyday objects such as clothes and food. No, I'm not making it up, it really does happen.

So, to answer the original question. Yes, Memory Narcolepsy is real. If you want to know what the medical community calls it then read the links in the sidebar or look up the definitions.

If it seems like I'm not taking this thing seriously, well, let's be serious just for a moment. There's really two options here. One is to get all upset, moan, whine, whinge, and feel sorry for myself. Generally speaking, I'm told that feeling sorry for oneself is not usually recognised as an effective way to combat stress or illness. The other approach I could take is to deal with this event with humour and hope that if I take the piss out of it enough, then -- just like a bully -- Memory Narcolepsy will go go away and leave me alone.

Finally, if you're worried that, just like a bully, Memory Narcolepsy could decide to make my life hell, then don't fear for that because I have studied many of the martial arts and hold a black belt in the ancient discipline of Origami.

Should I Brush The Cat In My Head?

I'm beginning to wonder if either all the doctors that I am seeing are really vets in disguise or if I am simply just totally loopy; and here's why.

It all started with the ubiquitous TLAs (Three Letter Abbreviations). Actually, it all started with the "Brain Mapping" but that's only two letters when abbreviated and four when its been a bad boy and its mother is being formal and calling it Brain Electrical Activity Mapping (BEAM) so it doesn't get a whole lot of discussion in the medical literature.

They, the people with a lifetime's supply of white coats, wanted me to have a CAT (Computed Axial Tomography) scan. "OK", I said, "but you are aware that I am allergic to pet dander, right? So I'm pretty sure I'd be sneezing a lot more than I do now if I had a Moggy in my Noggin." We then had a CAT scan and I got the usual "that's interesting, but we need to do some more tests." response.

So next up was an MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging). I've been there and done that. Apparently they needed some more practice so we did another one with contrast. At this point I would have thought that I'd have heard if something was really wrong or, even, right. But, no. Apparently there was still some money left in my insurance fund so we moved down the alphabet a bit.

We then had an MRA, aka a friend of the MRI known as an Angiogram. Now, I've done tons of MRIs before, but the MRA was new. Let me tell you, it's not a whole lot more challenging than a MRI so if you have to chose between the two, then take whichever one is closest. Trust me on this.

Anyway, from the CAT scan, the MRA, the MRI, the contrast, the non-contrast, they decided that they still were not 100% clear and they wanted to correlate them with an EEG. But, let's get back to the zoo.

At first we talked about a SPECT (Single Photon Emission Computed Tomography) scan but I suspect it had too many letters so we settled on a PET (Positron Emission Tomography) scan.

Here's where it gets weird.

Now the doctors are telling me that they are not only looking for PETs but they also want to quantify the amount of tangles and plaque that there is on my brain. Now come on. Is that some way of saying I am not cleaning my brain well enough? Is that what those holes in your nose and ears are really for?

That was Tuesday's joy. Yesterday I went for another EEG. They tell me that the plan is to take the CAT scan, the EEGs, the MRA, the MRI, the PET scan, mix in the Brain Mappings, apply LORETA (Low Resolution Brain Electromagnetic Tomography) transformations to this data and then we'll come up with a really good 3-D image of my brain in all its glory.

Then what?

Is it like going to the dentist when they give you a free toothbrush and now I'm supposed to brush the plaque off the cat in my head? When I do that, will I then be able to remember all the things I've forgotten over the last few months?

Memory Narcolepsy Today (October 2005)

Hello, and welcome to October's edition of Memory Narcolepsy Today, the magazine written for, and behalf of, Memory Narcolepsy sufferers and their friends.

Memory Narcolepsy Today is a subscription service so if you feel you are receiving this communication in error, then you probably forgot that you signed up for it. Don't worry, it happens. If you no longer want to receive Memory Narcolepsy Today, then send an email to us and then, according to standard industry practice, we'll forget to do anything about it.

This edition of Memory Narcolepsy Today is based on that important subject of un-losing your car. According to our president:

Losing your car is one of the most inconvenient things a Memory Narcolepsy sufferer can experience

So, we offer these hints and tips in the hope of adding to your enjoyment of this recently-diagnosed disease.


Fact: Memory Narcolepsy sufferers lose their car approximately once for every time they park it when not at home. In the words of our president, "get used to it".

Hint: try to park your car in the same spot at places you frequent regularly. This action, in and off itself, won't help you to remember that you parked your car in the same spot as yesterday but it will help you feel more in control when you do accidentally un-lose your car after a very nice stroll around the car park.

Factoid: Most lost cars are, in fact, not lost. They are simply parked in places where a Memory Narcolepsy sufferer is currently not.


Fact: Marking your car with your phone number can be a really good idea if you have friends who own helicopters or have a private pilot's license.

Hint: Using a really wide brush mark your phone number in three parts on the car. The area code goes on the bonnet, the dialling prefix on the roof, and the last four digits on the boot. Now, as long as you parked outside, you and your friends can find your car from the air. Using fluorescent paint can really help if you live in Scandinavia where it is dark six months of the year.

Factoid: Cars marked with their owner's phone number allow members of the general public to greatly assist with the unlosing process.


Fact: Multi-Storey car parks can be a nightmare experience for a Memory Narcolepsy sufferer. To add insult to injury, parking fees in New York City are now around 50 dollars a minute so not losing your car is a really good investment in today's poorly performing economy.

Hint: Go to Wallmart and buy a gross of pens. You'll need this many Biros to make up for the pens you are about to lose. After your park your car, retrieve a pen from your pen stash and kiss the pen goodbye as the pen is soon to be lost.

Now write the location you THINK you parked in on the ticket BEFORE you get out of the car. This location is your hint, it's probably not correct, but it will help you narrow down your search a lot.

Upon exiting the car note the parking spot number, if applicable. Don't forget to cross out the original number you wrote down as that was probably incorrect.

Now, go and find the floor number you are on. Again, adjust the annotation on your ticket as needed. Note that the reason you wrote this all down twice is that you'll probably forget at least one of these four steps, so this is where you narrow your odds of losing your car.

Also, draw a picture of where you parked the car as the fact that you parked at the end of row A, floor 1, next to the stairs, by the hole in the wall from the recent bomb blast, is not something you'll actually remember for much longer than 10 minutes.

Upon returning to the now-unfamiliar car park, use your ticket as a GUIDE (not an absolute) to finding your car. Using these tips can reduce finding your car to under half an hour!

Factoid: You lost your pen around the time you wrote down the last set of car coordinates.


Thanks for joining us in this edition of Memory Narcolepsy Today and don't forget to eat some chocolate!

Everything You Ever Forgot About Memory Narcolepsy

Memory Narcolepsy. It has a soothing ring to it, doesn't it? The name was coined by my Bestest Friend who, like me, struggled with the really stuffy names that the medical community kept coming up with to describe this, and allied, conditions.

Now, whilst I am, indeed, the first person ever to be diagnosed with Memory Narcolepsy, it's such a friendly little disease that I'm willing to make the definition as broad as possible so that others can share in its use. Please though, really, provide a link back to here so that we can see how its usage spreads.

So, what is Memory Narcolepsy? Quite simply, it's a condition where one's memory nods off to sleep every now and again. It can't be a hard definition, because, with Memory Narcolepsy forgetting things is easy.

Now, let's be clear here, Memory Narcolepsy is not an excuse to forget how to convert from Fahrenheit to Centigrade (subtract 32, multiply by 5 and divide by 9), and no amount of medical appeals will save your hide if you forget the date of your wedding anniversary.

Memory Narcolepsy is, however, a reasonable answer for when you truly knew something but, for some odd reason, your left-most outer brain cell went to sleep just as you were accessing that information.

A stuffy doctor, might say that:

Memory Narcolepsy is a deterioration of intellectual faculties, such as memory, concentration, and judgment, resulting from an organic disease or a disorder of the brain.

Or, they might say:

Memory Narcolepsy is a disease marked by the loss of cognitive ability, and associated with the development of abnormal tissues and protein deposits in the cerebral cortex.

Now come on, those definitions are really as user-friendly as a cornered rat, and you still don't know what's going on, do you? Hence, in this "it's not my fault" society, we need something that we sufferers can be proud of and wear like a badge.

Welcome? To Memory Narcolepsy.

Welcome? To Memory Narcolepsy

Memory Narcolepsy? So what's this all about, what does it mean, who has it, how is it diagnosed and how is it treated and just who are these people anyway?

These words are here to entertain, educate but, amongst all, document my journey, the good days, the bad days, and my love for life and my friends.

In all possibility, at some point, I'll lose myself to this insidious disease. What I absolutely refuse to do, though, is allow all that I've known to be lost forever.

To my friends and loved ones. I am told there will come a time when I no longer recognise you nor react to your presence. No matter what comes to pass, rest assured that I'll never really forget you and, that deep inside me, you'll always be remembered and loved more than you can ever know.